Transforming Relationships

At Relationship By Design, our work is based on the premise that transformation occurs when you confront reality exactly as it is. Once you stop resisting reality and attempting to fix or improve it, you experience peace, freedom and an opening for creativity in your...
Mathematics

The Mathematics of Relationship

If you  were to describe a human relationship simply as one person plus another, you would receive little argument from anyone. It's the way people think. The way people ordinarily look at relationships can be described mathematically as 1 + 1. A relationship is one...
Grandmother teaching her granddaughter to knit

A Relationship Isn’t a Title

Families can sometimes seem complicated. But the experience of family is really quite simple... and profound. When we were married in 2004, Paul had a stepdaughter by his previous wife, who had died just two years earlier. While I wanted to be a mother to his...
Young man with binoculars

Your Experience of Relationship

Your experience of relationship is all a matter of where you are standing and looking from. Often we are so intrigued by what we are looking at that we fail to appreciate that what we see is determined by where we are looking from. You will discover more about...
Couple with Money

Relationships and Money

This month we led an Exploring Extraordinary Relationships workshop in Kauai, Hawaii. The topic was Relationships and Money. One of the questions we began with was, “Why is money almost always an issue in relationships, even when there’s no shortage of money?”...
Football breaking through flames

Breaking Through vs. Backing Out

Something beyond the ordinary is possible, and can happen, when you persist through a “down time”. Whether you were pleased with the outcome of the 2017 edition of the NFL Super Bowl or not, you have to acknowledge that the New England Patriots didn’t quit when the...

Time to retire?

Do you love to play amateur psychologist, probing your partner’s childhood story for the causes of behaviors that you consider detrimental to your relationship? Or probing your own story for explanations of your own behaviors in your relationships? It can be...

Turning your partner into furniture

Have you ever described your partner as being a particular way – e.g. “He is stubborn.” Or, “She is forgetful.” Or, “She is always thoughtful.” Or, “He is never really interested” – even when he or she may be somewhere else and you don’t really know how he or she is...

Purpose for relationship

Is the purpose of your relationship to have someone who will provide you with some of what you need and want in life, and to help you get from others the rest of what you need and want? This is a common default purpose for being in a relationship. It's quite ordinary...

What’s happening right now?

Paul:   The other day, Carol was complaining. I was sitting on the couch with her, listening to complaints about what this person had done, what that person had said, and how an elderly relative was getting fretful and forgetful.  Carol complaining is such a rare...

The language of relationships

Last week, we were privileged to lead a presentation with another couple, Peter and Phyllis Sheras, at the National Convention of Couples Coaching Couples in Hunts Valley, Maryland. We named the presentation The Natural Language of Couple and Community. We asked the...

Promises and Consequences

In the Relationships: The Real Deal workshop, you learn that the foundation for relationships is promises. Love, affinity, shared values and/or interests may be the background or space for relationships, but it is promises that relationships stand on. Promises are...

Relationship: simple but not easy

There are things in life that are simple, but that doesn't mean they are easy. Have you ever tried losing weight? It's simple: Eat less and Exercise more. Was it easy for you? Probably not! It's difficult to take those actions over a long period of time. Creating an...

Relationship as a journey

Do you often find yourself worried about or working on what you consider to be problems in your relationships? You’re not alone. Most people are working at getting beyond the pitfalls, upsets and breakdowns in their relationships and arriving at “happily-ever-after”,...

The mystery of relationship

What makes for a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship? It’s not attempting to get your partner to have your point of view or to get your partner to see that your point of view is the only right one. Your partner is not going to see something in exactly the same...

Exploring your relationships: a lifestyle

In all relationships, there is inexorable movement from not knowing to knowing each other more and more. While there is definitely an upside to that movement, there is also a downside. The joy of discovering and learning about each other can begin to fade. Actions and...

Relationship: it’s what really matters

On April 16, 2016 Lon's brother Terry died of cancer. As you can perhaps imagine, it was one of those life events that demonstrate that no matter how prepared you are for something, you are not prepared for it. And yet it turned out to be a wonderful opportunity to...

Putting your relationships first

What has the highest priority in the lives of adult human beings? The survival of what we hold most dear. When someone such as a mate, child or comrade whom we hold dear is threatened, we will sacrifice our life for them. In our years of working in the field of...

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