“You Are SO Exasperating!”

Do you ever find yourself really exasperated in a relationship—at home or at work? What do you think produces that exasperation? You know that you don’t cause it, because you really don’t like being exasperated. You would never be exasperated if it were up to you. So...

What Legacies Are Your Relationships Leaving in Their Wake?

Eventually, most people give some thought to the inheritance they’ll leave when they die: the money, property, possessions. Maybe you’ve thought about how you, as an individual, want to be remembered when you’re gone—an intangible legacy that you’ll leave with others....

Is Your Relationship a Private Island?

 A reflection from Carol and Paul ...  Our love affair began with an unofficial motto: “We get to make it up.” That triumphant insight came from the 56 years of life that had flowed under the bridge before we found each other. Marriages, divorces and bereavement had...

Why Relationships Don’t Last?!

Recently we came across an article titled, Divorce Counselor Reveals Reasons Marriages Don’t Last, written on a popular blog website, some of the reasons given were: Love is not enough for a successful marriage. Marriage is a business contract (not a love affair)....

Is your relationship stuck in reverse?

Are you trying to move your relationship forward while putting it in reverse? It doesn’t work when driving a car, and it doesn’t work in relationships either. Most people are unaware of putting their relationship in reverse precisely because it happens automatically...

Transforming Relationships

At Relationship By Design, our work is based on the premise that transformation occurs when you confront reality exactly as it is. Once you stop resisting reality and attempting to fix or improve it, you experience peace, freedom and an opening for creativity in your...

Speaking for the future of your relationships

When you speak about your relationships, do you speak about the past, the present or the future? Think about how you speak; listen to yourself for a while. As you become aware of it, you may be surprised by the extent to which you unconsciously project the past into...

Promises Promises

Why make promises? We have often asserted that, while the context or background for a relationship may be love, or affection, or a common interest, the basis for all relationships is commitment – a promise or set of promises. But while promises may initially be used...

Relationship in action

 “It is important that you get clear for yourself that your only access to impacting life is action. The world does not care what you intend, how committed you are, how you feel or what you think; and certainly it has no interest in what you want and don’t want. Take...

Great feedback from our workshop participants!

We just completed the Extraordinary Relationship: A New Paradigm workshop in Evergreen, CO in July, and we love what our participants wrote to us! The following series of comments are from both partners in a relatively new relationship. First... Sandy/Lon- The...

What’s in the way of relationships being extraordinary?

One of the most difficult things for us to be with when working with people in their relationships is to watch them literally produce barriers between each other as they speak. We listen to them talk about [their individual interpretations of] past happenings,...

Is more communication really the key to relationships?

In most of our workshops, people list the lack of communication as the biggest problem in their relationships. But is more communication really the key to relationships? Consider these three aspects to communication: 1) the words being exchanged, 2) the feelings being...

Make your partner’s life great!

In our May newsletter, we said that, as an individual, you cannot help but make a difference in the lives of people around you. Whatever you do or say makes a difference – whether's it's positive or negative. Now we ask you to consider that, while you can stand for...

Is your relationship going your way?

Usually when we talk about relationships, we're talking about intimate or love relationships. Type “relationship” into your favorite search engine and the first hits will be about intimate relationships. But there are many other forms of relationship in our lives. We...

Mastering the art of relationship

For over ten years, we have been struggling with the dilemma of expressing what we are up to without it getting placed in the box of fixing, improving or recovering relationships. During our most recent workshop, in the San Francisco area, Carol and Jeff England, one...

Do your relationships have a purpose?

People who discover or invent a purpose for their lives experience direction, power and satisfaction in ways that people without a purpose seldom experience as they aimlessly go through the motions of living, dealing with whatever life gives them. Having a reason to...

Great results from post-workshop coaching

The post-workshop video conference calls that we recently began including as a part of each of our Relationship: the Real Deal workshops have proved to be more than worthwhile, as reported by Carol Herndon and Paul Bennett, who facilitated the calls after leading the...

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