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CONNECTED! January 2016

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Common concerns in relationships

As you begin a new year (which, when you think about it, you do each day), we wish you lots of experiences of freedom, ease and fulfillment in your relationships.

During the year you will likely run into issues and concerns from time to time. Many of these concerns are nearly universal in relationships. Three of the top ones are money, sex, and time. Let's take a quick look at each of these three.

Money Money issues arise in every relationship. Is this money yours, mine, or ours? Money is tightly intertwined with relationship because both are based on promises. Also, money has become a "stand in" or measure for almost everything, including personal worth or value. However, relationship and money are not inherently related. If you take a step back and look at your relationships, you'll see lots of areas where money is not an issue. Ultimately, it is up to your partner and you to make and accept promises regarding money, and then fulfill those promises. We invite you to join us in Los Cabos, April 2-9, 2016, for our Exploring Extraordinary Relationships workshop: Money in Relationships.
Heart Sex is often an issue in relationships. No two people have identical sexual preferences and appetites any more than they have identical food preferences and appetites. You may link sex to relationship (that's common in our culture), but sex and relationship are not inherently related. Sex may be a component of a relationship, but it is obviously not the only component. If you do link sex and relationship, you do so by requests and promises with your partner, and those promises become a part of the design of your relationship. As you can see, we believe that making, accepting, and fulfilling requests and promises is a vital practice in relationships. Check out our Promises, Promises blog post for more about promises.
Clock You may sometimes feel that your partner does not make enough time for you, that he or she spends too much time at work, or watching football, or attending to the children? However, the amount of time you spend together is not an inherent measure of the quality of your relationship. Neither are other indicators such as touching, listening, and feeling. Your partner and you can agree - via requests and promises - to make them indicators, but it's creating the future together - making and fulfilling requests and promises - that produces closeness, aliveness and fulfillment in your relationships.

We invite you to join us in Hawaii, October 2-9, 2016, for our Exploring Extraordinary Relationships workshop in which we will further explore the powerful role of requesting and promising in relationships.

2016 RelationshipByDesign workshop schedule

Many of you have registered for our 2016 workshops as one expression of your intention to nurture and enhance your relationships this year. We invite those of you who are "on the fence" to jump into a workshop of your choice. Your experience of your relationships will be renewed and enlivened.

Get the latest information about our 2016 workshop schedule here.

The quality of your relationships…

While it may appear that the quality of your relationships is a function of actions and behaviors, it's an illusion. The quality of your relationships is actually determined by the way you describe the actions and behaviors. If you describe certain actions and behaviors in your relationship as exciting, then you have an exciting relationship. If you describe those same actions and behaviors as boring, then you have a boring relationship. If you describe them as interesting, you have an interesting relationship.

It could be said that the quality of your relationship exists in your mouth. The quality of your relationship exists as a function of what you say it to be.

This is not an invitation to positive thinking. It is an invitation to be aware of and responsible for your assessments and descriptions. Whatever follows will be a natural outcome of that awareness.

Enjoy your relationships, and your continuing exploration of the nature of your relationships.

We welcome your feedback. Contact us

Sandy and Lon
Sandy and Lon celebrating Lon's birthday


Sandy and Lon Golnick
RelationshipByDesign
760.603.8343