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Knowing your partner
"It's wonderful to really be known by someone." That was said to us recently by a man talking about his relationship with his wife. It resonated with us because we have often had that experience in our lives.
It is not necessarily the same as when people say "I know who you really are." In those instances people are often referring to your spiritual side or your magnificent side.
What this man was referring to was being fully known - both his spiritual side and his carnal side, his magnificence and his smallness, his strength and his weakness, his courage and his fear, his generosity and his stinginess, his tolerance and his intolerance, his openness and his closedness, his loving side and his hateful side - his Yin Yang.
You cannot experience being known as long as you are withholding something from your partner. Being fully known, and appreciating the wholeness of another, is a function of letting go of withholding. It is a function of responsible communication, without blame, accusation and threat. It is also a function of sharing your wishes, wants and dreams without being attached to their being fulfilled.
One of the great joys of relationship is being fully known, and fully knowing another.
Here's to your relationships!
Not knowing your partner
"It's wonderful to not be known by you." That's something Lon said to Sandy a short time ago while discussing the nature of relationships.
What Lon meant was the space that Sandy granted him to be someone who he had not been for her before. She left open the opportunity for a future unconstrained by knowledge from the past, a future with fewer assumptions and expectations based on the past.
"Assumptions are the termites of relationships. - Henry Winkler
When you say you know someone, you are usually referring to having met someone, having spoken with them, and having learned something about him/her. That knowing shapes your thoughts, expectations and future actions regarding that person. Not knowing - and not having to know - while perhaps uncomfortable, is the possibility of new discoveries.
So not knowing each other allows for a future of discovery and creating together. And knowing your partner, and their knowing you fully, acknowledges each other, completes the past, and allows for a future of discovery and creating together.
Enjoy the win-win paradox of your relationships!
Sandy and Lon Golnick