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On being right or wrong in your relationships
You may notice that you have very seldom been wrong (the wrong-doer) when things haven't worked in your relationships. If and when you did acknowledge that you were wrong or to blame, you almost always had a good reason or explanation for saying or doing what you did. You are well schooled in getting yourself off the hook, i.e. making something or someone else - in most cases, your partner - responsible for things not working. The way you've seen it is that your partners have been blaming you and making you wrong, even though you're sure that you haven't been wrong or to blame.
You may also notice that, in your view, you really haven't made your partners wrong; you've simply pointed out when they have been wrong and to blame.
If you look, you will find that you say "You're making me wrong" much, much, much more than you say, "I'm making you wrong." It's worthwhile to see who's making who wrong when you say "You're making me wrong!"
For those of you who have done programs in which the leader said something like, "You are a make-wrong-machine", you assumed that the leader was speaking to everyone in the room. Maybe the leader was speaking only to you! And maybe you're the one that has the power to take right-wrong out of your relationships by discontinuing to accuse your partners of making you wrong.
Check it out, and see where it leads in your relationships. And then let us know.
NEW! Post-workshop coaching
We are now including three post-workshop video conference calls following each of our Relationship: the Real Deal workshops. The calls are included in the workshop fee, and are scheduled during the workshop to include as many of the participants as possible.
In Relationship: the Real Deal, you'll see the causes of the upsets and disappointments that break up too many relationships. You'll leave with access to peace, freedom, and ease with your partner. This workshop lays the foundation for the Extraordinary Relationship workshop. If you have not yet done this workshop, register now!
Making a difference in relationships
In our Relationship: the Real Deal workshops we say that the participants will confront the opportunity to make a difference in relationships around them.
When you look at it, it's obvious that everyone makes a difference. At the very least, you make a difference in the lives of the people that are nearest to you. Really, you cannot not make a difference. The question is, "What kind of difference are you making - positive or negative?"
Now, while it may be true that you cannot avoid making a difference in the lives of those around you - whether they are aware of it or not - as an individual you may or may not be making a difference in relationships around you.
However, a relationship cannot help but make a difference in other relationships that it touches. Again the question is, "What kind of difference is it making?"
Given that your relationship makes a difference in others' relationships, then the state of your relationship determines the kind of difference - positive or negative - it makes on other relationships. Having your relationship being one of peace, freedom and ease makes a positive difference in relationships around you.
You can see that you make a palpable positive difference in your own relationships when you listen to (versus argue with) your partners. And you can see that you make a bigger difference in your own relationships when, in addition to listening, you share your experience with your partners.
We are asking you to consider that you make a major difference in relationships around you when you share your experience of your relationships (as contrasted with promoting your opinions) with others.
We invite you to share with us how that goes for you.
Some of you readers know that these three couples, in having created and co-led your workshops, are making a difference in others' relationships.
Carol & Jeff England
Carol Herndon & Paul Bennett
Penny & Barry Berman
With our appreciation,
Sandy & Lon
Sandy and Lon Golnick