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CONNECTED - September 2014

About Relationships

Stop working and start exploring!

We think that "working on" your relationships (i.e. trying to fix, improve or change them) may be counter-productive, and in fact may even extend and exacerbate your problems and concerns.

As we work with people to set new goals to achieve together in their relationship, often as they do so their old problems and fears begin to diminish - without working on them!

So take a break from working on your relationships!

A good rest is half the work. - Yugoslav Proverb

Don't wait!

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it. - Sydney J. Harris

In our Extraordinary Relationship workshops, we have discovered that one of the characteristics of an extraordinary relationship is continued exploration of the relationship.

If you think of exploring as investigating, examining or analyzing this may sound like too much work! Investigate means "systematically and carefully search so as to uncover facts [as in a crime]". Examine means "look into critically and methodically in order to find out the condition of [something]". Analyze means "separate or break up a whole into its parts so as to find out something about the parts as they relate to the whole".

But exploring is none of those. Explore means "travel in [a region previously unknown or little known] in order to learn about its natural features."

Investigations, examinations and analyses lead mostly to confirmation of theories or suspicions, and perhaps some understanding. Exploration can lead to experiences of discovery and wonder.

Explore and be in the presence of wonder in your relationships!

More about relationships

Love in your heart wasn't put there to stay.
Love isn't love till you give it away.
- Oscar Hammerstein

Writers and entertainers portray love as a thing, and make it romantic, sweet, or dramatic We choose to explore love and relationship to a greater depth.

We humans have many possible ways of being - happy, fearful, bold, shy, humorous, sullen, joyful, pensive, intense, peaceful, etc. Loving can be seen as a way of being in which we are accepting of our own and others' ways of being.

Accepting does not mean condoning. It is simply acknowledging the way someone is being at the moment and allowing for another way of being in the next moments. For example, you accept your sister being angry at the moment, trusting that she will be another way, perhaps sad, in the next moment and another way, perhaps peaceful, in the next. And you accept your own upsets in the moment, trusting that your Way of being will shift in the next moment.

Perhaps what we call love is the experience of relatedness that is present when we are being loving. In love, in the experience of being related, together we create a relationship.

Something to ponder: What is present when we say "I love you"?

We love you,
Sandy and Lon


Sandy and Lon Golnick