“You Are SO Exasperating!”

Do you ever find yourself really exasperated in a relationship—at home or at work? What do you think produces that exasperation? You know that you don’t cause it, because you really don’t like being exasperated. You would never be exasperated if it were up to you. So...

What Legacies Are Your Relationships Leaving in Their Wake?

Eventually, most people give some thought to the inheritance they’ll leave when they die: the money, property, possessions. Maybe you’ve thought about how you, as an individual, want to be remembered when you’re gone—an intangible legacy that you’ll leave with others....

Is Your Relationship a Private Island?

 A reflection from Carol and Paul ...  Our love affair began with an unofficial motto: “We get to make it up.” That triumphant insight came from the 56 years of life that had flowed under the bridge before we found each other. Marriages, divorces and bereavement had...

Why Relationships Don’t Last?!

Recently we came across an article titled, Divorce Counselor Reveals Reasons Marriages Don’t Last, written on a popular blog website, some of the reasons given were: Love is not enough for a successful marriage. Marriage is a business contract (not a love affair)....

Is your relationship stuck in reverse?

Are you trying to move your relationship forward while putting it in reverse? It doesn’t work when driving a car, and it doesn’t work in relationships either. Most people are unaware of putting their relationship in reverse precisely because it happens automatically...

Transforming Relationships

At Relationship By Design, our work is based on the premise that transformation occurs when you confront reality exactly as it is. Once you stop resisting reality and attempting to fix or improve it, you experience peace, freedom and an opening for creativity in your...

Myth #2: Relationships are what you do

How many times have you heard someone say, “We’re working on our relationship”? Have you said something like that yourself? Many people think work is required when they notice an emotion in their relationship that they don’t like, as Carol did when she woke up feeling...

Relationships: A rough road?

You may be having a rough ride down a road. But it doesn’t matter how many potholes you fix if you are riding on square wheels. The road of relationships may not be as rough as you think. In fact the road might be quite nicely paved. But that doesn’t matter if you...

Then what (in your relationship)?

As you begin to see and let go of the source of the problems in your relationship  that you have unconsciously been holding onto [the rough ride on the road of your relationship], you can begin to consider creating a relationship together that’s in sync with the...

Extraordinary relationships

We just finished leading two Extraordinary Relationships: A New Paradigm workshops - one in Denver and one in the San Francisco area. The workshops were exciting and enlivening in that the more we discovered as we engaged in exploring and designing a paradigm for...

Vive la difference

One of Lon's favorite memories is our wedding, over 53 years ago, because it was one of his crowning achievements. Having been a relatively introverted, conservative and quiet young engineering student, he was proud to have "captured" an outgoing, expressive and...

A relationship is a game

In a newsletter a few years ago, we suggested that a relationship can be viewed as a game that is being played. While sometimes it may not feel like your relationship is a game, it nonetheless has all the attributes of a game. Like a game: You are in it to gain...

Projects and Promises

by Carol & Jeff England Several years ago, we were going through some times of upsets and frustrations with each other. Most of our attention was on trying to avoid what we were afraid might happen to our relationship and to each of us. A few years ago in one of...

A Relationship isn’t a Title

by Carol Herndon, RelationshipByDesign workshop leader Families can sometimes seem complicated. But the experience of family is really quite simple... and profound. When we were married in 2004, Paul had a stepdaughter by his previous wife, who had died just two years...

Your Experience of Relationship

Your experience of relationship is all a matter of where you are standing and looking from. Often we are so intrigued by what we are looking at that we fail to appreciate that what we see is determined by where we are looking from. You will discover more about...

Breaking Through vs. Backing Out

Something beyond the ordinary is possible, and can happen, when you persist through a “down time”. Whether you were pleased with the outcome of the 2017 edition of the NFL Super Bowl or not, you have to acknowledge that the New England Patriots didn’t quit when the...

Relationships and Money

This month we led an Exploring Extraordinary Relationships workshop in Kauai, Hawaii. The topic was Relationships and Money. One of the questions we began with was, “Why is money almost always an issue in relationships, even when there’s no shortage of money?”...

Cracking the door to a “we” relationship

by Carol Herndon, RelationshipByDesign Workshop Leader In RelationshipByDesign, we assert that mastering relationships has a lot to do with moving a relationship from being about “I” to being about “we,” without leaving “I” out. Let’s try to bring that elusive idea...

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