Are you trying to move your relationship forward while putting it in reverse?
It doesn’t work when driving a car, and it doesn’t work in relationships either.
Most people are unaware of putting their relationship in reverse precisely because it happens automatically in your everyday conversations. This is really common – we all do it!
You’ll be amazed, once you become aware of it, how you speak from the past (reverse) and unconsciously extend it into the future (forward) in your relationships.
Some of the most obvious examples of speaking from the way it has been and making it now and forever is the use of exaggerations, such as using the words “always”, “never”, and “constantly”. It might sound like this, “You always/constantly do that.” or “You never help me with that!” Those words (always/constantly/never) place something that happened or was said in the past and makes it the truth now! Those words turn “what happened” into “what is happening and will happen… forever”!
Have you ever caught yourself saying to your partner, “You always…” even though, in that moment, your partner isn’t doing what you are saying they always do? Again, notice, this is all automatic and pretty much unconscious speaking.
Less obvious is your use of “am,” or “is” in describing yourself, your partner or your relationship. Have you ever said, something like this? “My partner IS careless”, this places the way they were sometimes but now makes it that way forever. This is mostly an unconscious way of speaking, it’s not bad, it’s what we do without thinking. It’s going in reverse and locks your relationship there!
But wait… you don’t have to be stuck in reverse… there is a way to go forward!
First, … try this on … create a game … every time you notice you or your partner use the “always, never, or constantly” words, place a dollar in a money jar… you may even get enough for a vacation!
Once you can see what you’re really saying and how often you say it, you’ll have an opportunity to replace those words with something else – words that move you forward. So once you have a few bucks in the money jar…
It’s possible to shift your relationship out of reverse by allowing the way it was in the past to live in the past simply by consciously speaking the truth. “My partner was careless that time… ”Or, “Up until now, has been careless.” You’re still speaking what is true but leaving the opening for something new.
Being aware of your automatic way of speaking can put you in forward gear and gives your relationship a whole new future.
In truth, you don’t know what the future holds – even though you may unconsciously be doing a lot of predicting.
Now you have access to both gears, forward and reverse ….
Enjoy your ride!
Lon & Sandy