January 2019 Newsletter
Why is it that every January you get bombarded with advertisements and promotions for getting your body in shape, but you don’t get ads for getting your relationships in shape? Probably because not many people make new year’s resolutions to shape up their relationships. Also, there are no easily accessible gyms for building healthy relationships.
Our “gyms” for relationships are Relationship by Design workshops throughout the country, but for many people they’re not easily accessible. So here’s a relationship workout regimen that you can practice at home until you are able to get to one of our “gyms”.
- Make sure that you recognize that (1) no two people are going to see things in exactly the same way, (2) you will often be pulled toward your own self-concern (3) not all of your dreams and expectations will be fulfilled, and (4) fears will emerge and shape your actions from time to time.
- Reaffirm your stand for the value and integrity of your relationship.
- Review and acknowledge what you produced and what you failed to produce, what you accomplished and what you failed to accomplish, as a relationship, in the past year or so.
- Together, renew or create the purpose, intentions and goals of your relationship for 2019 (or for a shorter period of time if you wish).
- Play full out together to fulfill your relationship’s purpose and accomplish its goals during that period of time.
Don’t forget to make a scoreboard and to check it regularly to see how you are doing in your relationship game, remembering that the point of playing is not to rack up a great score but to gain proficiency and enjoyment in living your lives together.
Also, there’s real power in having a community of support around you. So invite others to join you in this relationship regimen and enjoy “working out” together with others.
Finally, you’ve probably noticed that, while most new year’s resolutions are rooted in individual accomplishment and improvement (in what we call an “I”-based world), this regimen is designed around accomplishments together as a relationship (in what we call a “WE”-based world).
Later in this newsletter, Carol and Paul explore how money shows up in relationships, and how it looks different in a “WE”-based world. (Access article here)
WE are wish you a wonderful 2019.
Lon & Sandy